Archive for the ‘Song’ Category

Feeding The Cancer Of My Intellect

January 25th, 2015

These are the songs, the emotions, the quotes I have been thinking about a lot lately. I call this section my “Songs on Repeat.” You know, the songs that you keep hitting back on to listen to one more time.

U2SongsOfInnocenceEvery Breaking Wave
Songs of Innocence
U2

I can swim in the sea, but that does not mean I need to chase every breaking wave.

I have been thinking a lot lately around topics of insecurity, love, loss, confidence, and success. Heavy topics. This song seems to touch each of those. Am I ready to let go of my fear of both failure and success? Am I ready to stop chasing after the wind, because in the end it is all meaningless pursuits. Can I release myself of all my thoughts that inhibit growth or change, and be open to be swept off my feet?

I think I am often fearful of success, and that defeat is more manageable. This needs to change. I deserve this. I know my shit. Own it. Be bold.

If you go
If you go your way and I go mine
Are we so
Are we so helpless against the tide
Baby, every dog on the street
Knows that we’re in love with defeat
Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing every breaking wave

…And we know that we fear to win
And so we end before we begin

Every Breaking Wave by U2 on Grooveshark

1200CurfewsLove’s Recovery
1200 Curfews
The Indigo Girls

My head often gets in the way, as I feed the cancer of my intellect with thoughts of insecurity, and the questioning if love is worth desiring. Does love endure? The older I have gotten and the more I have dated, I have come across more people that are divorced. I don’t blame them. This isn’t about that. Every person, every situation is unique and sometimes a separation of a marriage might be the best possible thing. But it makes me wonder if ever-after exists? If I will find someone that will love me, and fight for me when things are bleak or dire. I want to believe that sort of persistence still exists.

Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They’ve all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery.

…Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction

Love's Recovery by Indigo Girls on Grooveshark

Somewhere Under WonderlandPossibility Days
Somewhere Under Wonderland
Counting Crows

If you know me, you know that the crows get me. I am haunted by feelings of slipping away and the crows explore that in this track. Every day is a possibility of change, growth, attitude. But ultimately will it be a good day or a bad day? Can I live intentionally?

Annie Dillard, one of my all-time favorite authors says “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives.” As we carry the burdens of all of our days, can I focus instead on just one of those days at a time? Can I focus on the moment, the 24 hours that are given to me, the interactions that are fated, the emotions to feel – sad and happy – and can I mentally seize them. Good days will slip by. Bad days will slip by. And it is ok. What painting did your day create in your timehop of life?

And the worst part of a good day
Is knowing it’s slipping away
That’s one more possibility day
That is gone

Possibility Days by Counting Crows on Grooveshark

Commissioning A Symphony In C

January 1st, 2015

I place stock in songs I hear randomly. There was that time where I heard the Screaming Trees sing Nearly lost you that came on during the car ride to a break up. Then there was the time that a song triggred an emotion, which triggered yet another song. We all have songs that take us back to a person, or a moment. There is Crazy 4 u by Madonna. There is the Dog Days of Summer by Florence and the Machine. I remember vividly 5th grade and doing homework in the laundry room and talent show tryouts anytime I hear Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys. I think of my junior/senior year in high school when I was trying to determine what college to go to, and therefore the rest of my life, while Disarm by The Smashing Pumpkins played. The Sarah’s, Adam’s and Michael’s of the music world are the Sextons, Yeats, and Shakespeares of our time and I apply their words, knowledge, and emotions to my life.

The first song I hear in a new year when I press shuffle, is a sign of how life will transpire in the next 365 days. There is a lot of pressure to this fate. But is it fate or ordained?

Today is January 1, 2015 and I went for a run, as people are want to do today. Or at least the day after. The passing of a year brings with it reflections, regrets, hopes, depressions, and a flurry of nameless emotions. New Year’s eve always brings me a strange level of reflection (and typically some Counting Crows). You may be many miles away (or sometimes even in my own city) but I miss you. What would you change in 2015 from your 2014?

there’s things i remember and things i forget
i miss you
i guess that i should
three thousand five hundred miles away
but what would you change if you could

Today is January 1, 2015 and I went on a run today. When I run there is clarity of mind, levity of thought, and words that are dying to exit my mind’s trap. I don’t write much on this blog anymore, as the guards have made the trap more difficult to escape. I wish there was a clearer path, route, existence. Anyway circling back yet again, I put too much faith and fate in the lyrics I hear, and their timing. Today when I pressed shuffle and began shuffling my feet down the sidewalk in this cozy RB town, the song Commissioning a symphony in C by Cake came on. And now I am left to decipher its meaning for my life.

So you’ll be an Austrian Nobleman
Commissioning a symphony in C
Which defies all earthly descriptions
You’ll be Commissioning a symphony in C

With money you squeeze from the peasants
To your nephew you can give it as a present
This magnificent symphony in C
You’ll be commissioning a symphony in C

Completely filling the palace concert hall
It’s warm and golden like an oven that’s wide open
It has a melody both happy and sad
Built on Victoria’s young triads

You’ve entered the room with great caution
Though no one in the hall is even watching
They are transfixed
They are forgetting just to breath
They are so taken by your symphony…
In C

You’re sitting there thinking your thoughts
They are not about what is but what is not
You are sitting there breathing in your breath
You are seldom breathing life but mostly death

So you’ll be an Austrian Nobleman
Commissioning a symphony in C
Which defies all earthly descriptions
You’ll be commissioning…
A symphony…
In C

I am not going to be an Autrian Nobleman – but maybe I will be doing something important, or something that leaves meaning behind, like a symphony.

Maybe i’ll be a great uncle to my nephew, but maybe I will be using my nephew to hide from my misdoings.

2015 will be a year of both happy and sad melodies. There will probably be tears, laughter, hearts broken, and hearts healed.

I enter into 2015 with great caution indeed. Every year could potentially be my last. There is always potential of the final time.

But it is the last stanza (is that still a thing) that I think i’ll take the meaning from

You’re sitting there thinking your thoughts
They are not about what is but what is not
You are sitting there breathing in your breath
You are seldom breathing life but mostly death

Whether it be new years eve, fresh starts, new jobs, old friends I am often focused on what came before, or what is not. It is my brain’s natural tendency. I have gotten well accustomed to it. As big as a downfall as that might be on my emotional state, it is also a part that stimulates other good parts of my brain. I am well aware of who I am, and this is part of it. Don’t read this and then preach at me. I digress. Sometimes I let this get too much of me, and I then am breathing death.

So for 2015, my resolution is to be more intentional in stimulating thoughts about what is, versus what is not.

The next song that came on was Here I Am by Skid Row

It’s main line is

Here I am
Close your eyes and I’ll be Superman

So it looks like 2015 I become a super hero. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

Welcome To The Inner Workings Of My Mind

December 14th, 2013

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.” I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora). I hope you enjoy them too.

I can no longer post the mp3 on my site for download, as I have been hacked too many times by china. Long story.

MsMrHurricane
Secondhand Rapture
MsMr

It was a few weeks ago, and I was driving home on my long commute after a long day at work when I first heard this song. As with most songs I latch onto, the lyrics resonated within me. I was hooked. For the next few weeks I listened to this album nonstop. Then to my surprise, I saw they were playing a show in San Diego at a little club that holds maybe 200 people. So pumped, I tried to buy tickets. But the only tickets that would be available, would be a few extras that a radio station was to give away at the door at 8pm. So I planned to show up at the door at 6, and wait in the freezing San Diego snow (it was really cold that night) and get to see my new music crush. But I had forgotten that I had promised my brother that I would babysit. Which rolled over the clock till about 7:30. I then rushed down to the show, to only see the line wrap around a few blocks, and then a few blocks more before I could even find parking. Still, I forged on and got in line. I waited in line, cold, for an hour. Around 9pm however, the line started dissipating. They were filled up. I was so bummed. Still, I have been really digging their music. I hope they don’t get over played by radio, and killed by the trend, like it feels is happening currently to Lorde.

Welcome to the inner workings of my mind
So dark and foul I can’t disguise
Can’t disguise
Nights like this
I become afraid
Of the darkness in my heart
Hurricane

Hurricane by Ms Mr on Grooveshark

MsMrBlind
The Violet Burning
The Violet Burning

This band has been a long time favorite of mine. One of the first “christian rock bands” that I actually thought was cool, and made good music. This album in particular was the Achtung Baby of their collection: the album that stood out as a departure from expected. As a christian that dislikes stereotypes and churchspeak found it refreshing that they even swore in a song on this album, even if it was a bit censored out. Anyhow, I’ve been picking up my guitar a bit lately. It must be that 1 month stage of the year where I play and hurt my fingers and my esteem before packing the 6-stringer away for the year. And one of the songs that I can “play” and that I play often during this time period, is this song, Blind.

I can see your light pour through me
Looking for the love in it all
I see the light when we both collide

Blind by The Violet Burning on Grooveshark

tristan-prettyman-cedar-and-goldI Was Gonna Marry You
Cedar + Gold
Tristan Prettyman

Keeping this post upbeat like the other two songs, here is another song that I have been playing a lot lately. Not necessarily for the lyrics, although they do pack the punch of emotions. I have always had some Tristan Prettyman on my ipod or computer, however wasn’t really a big listener. Often I would skip her songs. Then last year, I was looking for some entertaining things to do in San Diego one weekend, and I saw she was playing at the Belly Up. So I bought tickets. After really enjoying the show, I had a newfound respect for her. I recently tweeted with her and learned she was set to play another show in San Diego. I immediately bought tickets.

Her last album certainly has a lot of emotions in the lyrics, and some that I may have experienced in this tough, strange, roller-coaster year that I have had. I am looking forward to seeing her play the Belly Up this next week. Till then, I will be playing her music including this song, nonstop.

I gotta go on
Time to spread my wings and fly
Higher than the bluest sky
Never did me any good waiting around
Only so much that my heart can take

I Was Gonna Marry You by Tristan Prettyman on Grooveshark

Talk It Up, Like Yeah

September 7th, 2013

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.” I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora). I hope you enjoy them too.

I can no longer post the mp3 on my site for download, as I have been hacked too many times by china. Long story.

Lorde Tennis CourtTennis Courts
Pure Heroine
Lorde

I first heard of the 16 year old New Zealand singer indirectly through my friends Amber and Tiffany. I heard the track Royals and I could not get enough of it. But then, you ask, why isn’t that the track that you post here? Well, it nearly was. But the track Tennis Court off the upcoming new album (to be released Sept. 30), does something for my ears. Not exactly sure what it is.

Because I’m doing this for the thrill of it killin’ it
Never not chasing a million things I want
And I am only as young as the minute is full of it
Getting pumped up from the little bright things I bought
But I know they’ll never own me

Tennis Court by Lorde on Grooveshark

PearlJam-RiotActI Am Mine
Riot Act
Pearl Jam

I revisited this song when I saw someone quote the lyric below, one day on twitter. In life we are accosted from all directions (north, south, east, and west) that it is sometimes difficult to breathe. In those crazy times, we must realize that we control our minds, our thoughts, and our actions. We must take our thoughts captive, as we own our mind.

The north is to south what the clock is to time.
There’s east and there’s west and there everywhere lying.
I know I was born and I know that I’ll die.
The in between is mine.
I. am. mine.

I Am Mine by Pearl Jam on Grooveshark

underwatersunshineLike Teenage Gravity
Underwater Sunshine (or what we did on our summer vacation)
Counting Crows

Although I haven’t done a ton of these posts, I am still surprised that the Crows have only made my list once. Easily one of my favorite bands of all time, I am often transported emotionally when I listen to their music. So many lyrics have poked my heart, that I am often a well of emotion when singing along in my car. This cover song is no exception. I have loved this song when I have been in love, and I have loved this song when I have been out of love (even though it is a love song). I also love all of the gambling references in the song :).

you don’t need laws to tell
that if it feels like fallin’, boy, you probably already fell
the whole table saw your hand, so you might as well just play it
and you ain’t fooling anyone, so you might as well just say it
so, i guess i’m in love
i guess i’m in love
some people get scared of those words ’round here, but that’s alright

Like Teenage Gravity by Counting Crows on Grooveshark

Here With Me

December 14th, 2012

Don’t want your picture
On my cell phone
I want you here with me
Don’t want your memory
In my head now
I want you here with me

–The Killers

Here With Me by The Killers on Grooveshark

We’ve Accomplished Almost Nothing

June 3rd, 2012

This video was made by Yahoo! Sketch comedy team, and it is a parody of the bottom video/song We Are Young. And it is sad and depressing. And it is something that I have been relating to all my life. Which is even more sad and depressing. But I love songs and lyrics that can pull those emotions out of me, kind of makes me feel alive – and sad and depressed.

I find it funny, this song was made by yahoo, but at the 3:29 mark, the character does a search and uses google.

Original Song:

Out To Get You

March 25th, 2012

Insecure, what you gonna do
Feel so small they could step on you
Called you up, answering machine
When the human touch
Is what I need

-James

Out to Get You by James on Grooveshark

You Hate Me But You Will Respect

January 28th, 2012

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.” I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora). I hope you enjoy them too.

I once again have been dealing with file transfer issues as other countries and websites have been downloading the tracks I have been putting on here. I may have to switch to a soundcloud type solution, but for now, gonna try for one last time, posting on the homepage.

Jill Scott CollaborationsDaydreamin’
Jill Scott Collaborations
Jill Scott & Lupe Fiasco

This song begins with the vinyl like singing from Jill Scott. And then the beat drops. It’s a song that makes me feel like summer time. Its an odd song lyrically, about looking through the eyes of a 40 story tall robot. But I guess when you fall asleep on a beautiful day, and you dream, you dream of big things.

Now there’s hoes selling hoes like right around the toes
And the crackheads beg at about the lower leg
There’s crooked police that’s stationed at the knees
And they do drive-bys like up and down the thighs
And there’s a car chase going on at the waist
Keep a vest on my chest
I’m sitting in my room as I’m looking out the face

Childish Gambino BonfireBonfire
Camp
Childish Gambino

I am on a Gambino kick. I can’t stop listening to him. I recommend the Childish Gambino station on Pandora as well. His recent album Camp, deserves to win any award that might be available. It came out in late November and I think it will be one of the best albums of the year. The track that stands out the most, at least initially, is the song Bonfire.

As a rap/hip-hop song there is language that some may not be comfortable with. Despite this, its difficult to not be impressed with the lyrics that he strings together.

By the way, if you have never heard of Childish Gambino, that is the stage name of actor, comedian, writer, and of course rapper, Donald Glover. He is most well known for his role on the TV show Community as Troy.

Yeah, they say they want the realness, rap about my real life
Told me I should just quit: “first of all, you talk white!
Second off, you talk like you haven’t given up yet”
Rap’s stepfather, yeah, you hate me but you will respect

AHK-toong BAY-biUltra Violet (Light My Way)
AHK-Toong BAY-bi
The Killers (U2 Cover)

If you know me, you know that I am obviously a big U2 fan and have been to many of their shows. One of my favorite albums of theirs, Achtung Baby, recently celebrated its 20th anniversary

As a tribute to the 20 years, an album was put out with all of the songs covered by other artists. One of my other favorite artists, The Killers, performed the song “Ultra Violet.” It is a great mixture of U2 and The Killers.

When I was all messed up
And I had opera in my head
Your love was a light bulb
Hanging over my bed

Working Hard Just To Shake The Yawns

March 2nd, 2011

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.” I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora). I hope you enjoy them too. And in case you weren’t aware, there is a little “play” button next to the song on the home page where you can listen to the song.

It has been awhile since I was able to post one of these, or any post for that matter. My site went through a reprogramming by the great people at Gorirra Consulting. Mix that in with the awesome progress we have had at Matters of Grey (185K visitors per month!) it has been a busy time of life.

As a warning, all three of these songs have some swearing in them.

Green Lightse-dubble Written Thursday
Written Thursday
e-dubble

You may recall that I featured this artist last time I made a Songs On Repeat posting. I also had the privilege of interviewing him for a Matters of Grey post. He went 52 straight weeks creating a new song. I don’t think there is anything I can do for 52 straight weeks, let alone something that takes so much creativity and talent.

Most of his tracks speak of his challenge, working hard, chasing his dream. I can listen to his tracks one after the other, and I come away inspired and motivated. When I am struggling with time for life, jobs, websites, I think of him and his determination. He recently did a mix tape of many of his “freestyle fridays.” You can download it for free. The dude is amazingly talented, and he will continue to kill it in 2011.

His track that I lately can’t get enough of is called Green Lights. This song both pumps me up, and tears me up. I get sentimental for him when he is told by his father of the pride he feels in him for chasing his dream. It also talks about people and situations pulling him down, but he recants that notion by saying that “all he sees is green lights” and that he is going to keep pushing for his dream.

If you know what has been going on in my life lately, you might be able to know why this resonates with me. People and situations may be trying to bring me down, but I’m going to keep pushing through.

cuz’ they keep pullin’ us down
but I ain’t stoppin’
cuz’ all I see are green lights
and even when I’m wrong I mean right
Please believe I-
know I’m gonna need to revise
but this life don’t give retries
so I’m on it
and up at the break of dawn
workin’ hard just to shake the yawns

Rootless TreeLive At Fingerprints: Warts and All
Live At Fingerprints: Warts and All
Damien Rice

Damien Rice is an amazing poet, song writer, singer, musician. He doesn’t have many albums out there, because the process he goes through in writing a song takes such an emotional toll on him. His songs are loaded with emotion.

I love his song Rootless Tree. The original version is an angry song. This live version is stripped down to a pure level of raw emotion.

What i want from this is to learn to let go
No not of you of all that’s been told…
…Let me out let me out let me out
Hell when you’re around

99 ProblemsJay-Z  and The Dap-Kings – “99 Problems” (Prince Ballard Royal Edit)
Free Download
Jay-Z featuring The Dap Kings

I downloaded this track somewhere. Maybe here. It features the brilliance of Jay-Z with a smooth jazzy accompaniment.

Jay-Z raps about being kept down by many different factors of racism and discrimination. But he sees the silver lining in the situation saying that he may have a lot of problems, but he has a good woman and a good support system and he won’t be kept down.

I’m like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don’t like my lyrics you can press fast forward

And It’s All Vanity

August 3rd, 2010

I created and mailed 3 new compliations to my friend Josh this week.  As usual, I used some photography from my trips for the artwork.  Another usual for me, is naming the disc from a lyric on that particular disc.  Click on an image for a larger view and the ability to scroll.

This Week I'm Thinking About: Savannah Peterson