Posts Tagged ‘counting crows’

Feeding The Cancer Of My Intellect

January 25th, 2015

These are the songs, the emotions, the quotes I have been thinking about a lot lately. I call this section my “Songs on Repeat.” You know, the songs that you keep hitting back on to listen to one more time.

U2SongsOfInnocenceEvery Breaking Wave
Songs of Innocence
U2

I can swim in the sea, but that does not mean I need to chase every breaking wave.

I have been thinking a lot lately around topics of insecurity, love, loss, confidence, and success. Heavy topics. This song seems to touch each of those. Am I ready to let go of my fear of both failure and success? Am I ready to stop chasing after the wind, because in the end it is all meaningless pursuits. Can I release myself of all my thoughts that inhibit growth or change, and be open to be swept off my feet?

I think I am often fearful of success, and that defeat is more manageable. This needs to change. I deserve this. I know my shit. Own it. Be bold.

If you go
If you go your way and I go mine
Are we so
Are we so helpless against the tide
Baby, every dog on the street
Knows that we’re in love with defeat
Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing every breaking wave

…And we know that we fear to win
And so we end before we begin

Every Breaking Wave by U2 on Grooveshark

1200CurfewsLove’s Recovery
1200 Curfews
The Indigo Girls

My head often gets in the way, as I feed the cancer of my intellect with thoughts of insecurity, and the questioning if love is worth desiring. Does love endure? The older I have gotten and the more I have dated, I have come across more people that are divorced. I don’t blame them. This isn’t about that. Every person, every situation is unique and sometimes a separation of a marriage might be the best possible thing. But it makes me wonder if ever-after exists? If I will find someone that will love me, and fight for me when things are bleak or dire. I want to believe that sort of persistence still exists.

Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They’ve all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery.

…Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction

Love's Recovery by Indigo Girls on Grooveshark

Somewhere Under WonderlandPossibility Days
Somewhere Under Wonderland
Counting Crows

If you know me, you know that the crows get me. I am haunted by feelings of slipping away and the crows explore that in this track. Every day is a possibility of change, growth, attitude. But ultimately will it be a good day or a bad day? Can I live intentionally?

Annie Dillard, one of my all-time favorite authors says “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives.” As we carry the burdens of all of our days, can I focus instead on just one of those days at a time? Can I focus on the moment, the 24 hours that are given to me, the interactions that are fated, the emotions to feel – sad and happy – and can I mentally seize them. Good days will slip by. Bad days will slip by. And it is ok. What painting did your day create in your timehop of life?

And the worst part of a good day
Is knowing it’s slipping away
That’s one more possibility day
That is gone

Possibility Days by Counting Crows on Grooveshark

Commissioning A Symphony In C

January 1st, 2015

I place stock in songs I hear randomly. There was that time where I heard the Screaming Trees sing Nearly lost you that came on during the car ride to a break up. Then there was the time that a song triggred an emotion, which triggered yet another song. We all have songs that take us back to a person, or a moment. There is Crazy 4 u by Madonna. There is the Dog Days of Summer by Florence and the Machine. I remember vividly 5th grade and doing homework in the laundry room and talent show tryouts anytime I hear Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys. I think of my junior/senior year in high school when I was trying to determine what college to go to, and therefore the rest of my life, while Disarm by The Smashing Pumpkins played. The Sarah’s, Adam’s and Michael’s of the music world are the Sextons, Yeats, and Shakespeares of our time and I apply their words, knowledge, and emotions to my life.

The first song I hear in a new year when I press shuffle, is a sign of how life will transpire in the next 365 days. There is a lot of pressure to this fate. But is it fate or ordained?

Today is January 1, 2015 and I went for a run, as people are want to do today. Or at least the day after. The passing of a year brings with it reflections, regrets, hopes, depressions, and a flurry of nameless emotions. New Year’s eve always brings me a strange level of reflection (and typically some Counting Crows). You may be many miles away (or sometimes even in my own city) but I miss you. What would you change in 2015 from your 2014?

there’s things i remember and things i forget
i miss you
i guess that i should
three thousand five hundred miles away
but what would you change if you could

Today is January 1, 2015 and I went on a run today. When I run there is clarity of mind, levity of thought, and words that are dying to exit my mind’s trap. I don’t write much on this blog anymore, as the guards have made the trap more difficult to escape. I wish there was a clearer path, route, existence. Anyway circling back yet again, I put too much faith and fate in the lyrics I hear, and their timing. Today when I pressed shuffle and began shuffling my feet down the sidewalk in this cozy RB town, the song Commissioning a symphony in C by Cake came on. And now I am left to decipher its meaning for my life.

So you’ll be an Austrian Nobleman
Commissioning a symphony in C
Which defies all earthly descriptions
You’ll be Commissioning a symphony in C

With money you squeeze from the peasants
To your nephew you can give it as a present
This magnificent symphony in C
You’ll be commissioning a symphony in C

Completely filling the palace concert hall
It’s warm and golden like an oven that’s wide open
It has a melody both happy and sad
Built on Victoria’s young triads

You’ve entered the room with great caution
Though no one in the hall is even watching
They are transfixed
They are forgetting just to breath
They are so taken by your symphony…
In C

You’re sitting there thinking your thoughts
They are not about what is but what is not
You are sitting there breathing in your breath
You are seldom breathing life but mostly death

So you’ll be an Austrian Nobleman
Commissioning a symphony in C
Which defies all earthly descriptions
You’ll be commissioning…
A symphony…
In C

I am not going to be an Autrian Nobleman – but maybe I will be doing something important, or something that leaves meaning behind, like a symphony.

Maybe i’ll be a great uncle to my nephew, but maybe I will be using my nephew to hide from my misdoings.

2015 will be a year of both happy and sad melodies. There will probably be tears, laughter, hearts broken, and hearts healed.

I enter into 2015 with great caution indeed. Every year could potentially be my last. There is always potential of the final time.

But it is the last stanza (is that still a thing) that I think i’ll take the meaning from

You’re sitting there thinking your thoughts
They are not about what is but what is not
You are sitting there breathing in your breath
You are seldom breathing life but mostly death

Whether it be new years eve, fresh starts, new jobs, old friends I am often focused on what came before, or what is not. It is my brain’s natural tendency. I have gotten well accustomed to it. As big as a downfall as that might be on my emotional state, it is also a part that stimulates other good parts of my brain. I am well aware of who I am, and this is part of it. Don’t read this and then preach at me. I digress. Sometimes I let this get too much of me, and I then am breathing death.

So for 2015, my resolution is to be more intentional in stimulating thoughts about what is, versus what is not.

The next song that came on was Here I Am by Skid Row

It’s main line is

Here I am
Close your eyes and I’ll be Superman

So it looks like 2015 I become a super hero. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

Talk It Up, Like Yeah

September 7th, 2013

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.” I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora). I hope you enjoy them too.

I can no longer post the mp3 on my site for download, as I have been hacked too many times by china. Long story.

Lorde Tennis CourtTennis Courts
Pure Heroine
Lorde

I first heard of the 16 year old New Zealand singer indirectly through my friends Amber and Tiffany. I heard the track Royals and I could not get enough of it. But then, you ask, why isn’t that the track that you post here? Well, it nearly was. But the track Tennis Court off the upcoming new album (to be released Sept. 30), does something for my ears. Not exactly sure what it is.

Because I’m doing this for the thrill of it killin’ it
Never not chasing a million things I want
And I am only as young as the minute is full of it
Getting pumped up from the little bright things I bought
But I know they’ll never own me

Tennis Court by Lorde on Grooveshark

PearlJam-RiotActI Am Mine
Riot Act
Pearl Jam

I revisited this song when I saw someone quote the lyric below, one day on twitter. In life we are accosted from all directions (north, south, east, and west) that it is sometimes difficult to breathe. In those crazy times, we must realize that we control our minds, our thoughts, and our actions. We must take our thoughts captive, as we own our mind.

The north is to south what the clock is to time.
There’s east and there’s west and there everywhere lying.
I know I was born and I know that I’ll die.
The in between is mine.
I. am. mine.

I Am Mine by Pearl Jam on Grooveshark

underwatersunshineLike Teenage Gravity
Underwater Sunshine (or what we did on our summer vacation)
Counting Crows

Although I haven’t done a ton of these posts, I am still surprised that the Crows have only made my list once. Easily one of my favorite bands of all time, I am often transported emotionally when I listen to their music. So many lyrics have poked my heart, that I am often a well of emotion when singing along in my car. This cover song is no exception. I have loved this song when I have been in love, and I have loved this song when I have been out of love (even though it is a love song). I also love all of the gambling references in the song :).

you don’t need laws to tell
that if it feels like fallin’, boy, you probably already fell
the whole table saw your hand, so you might as well just play it
and you ain’t fooling anyone, so you might as well just say it
so, i guess i’m in love
i guess i’m in love
some people get scared of those words ’round here, but that’s alright

Like Teenage Gravity by Counting Crows on Grooveshark

Sitting In A Ralphs Parking Lot
Looking For World Peace

March 25th, 2012

I wish there was someone who would understand that they will never understand, and be ok with it. That I’m not someone to be fixed or needs to be.
I am a flower. I’m full of grey petals, or something in-between.
I’d like to make myself forget.
I came here looking for world peace.
I’m not gonna break, but i’m sure I will continue to worry about it. But not the “it” you think.
It’s washing me away. I’m not ready and I don’t understand it all.
The satellites convene in one location. Things like that drive me out of my mind.

{inspired/stolen from: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Satellite of Love, and Anna Begins}

Now The Days Go By So Fast

August 19th, 2009

track_sm

My Grandpa Joe recently came out from Florida for a visit and I enjoyed my time with him.  I had to pull some crazy hours at work to try and fit in all the fun but it was well worth it.  We went to the Del Mar Track one day, followed by dinner at Tony Jacals in Solana Beach.  I blame my Grandpa (and Grandma, but more gramps) for my enjoyment of the races at Del Mar (and maybe gambling in general).  I have vivid memories of walking around on the infield with him, looking at the horses.  He would ask me who I would want to bet on in the next race, and then he’d place a bet for me.  Living in Solana Beach they would go often.  I don’t really know how many times I was able to go with them, but I will always picture myself with him, walking around the infield in what seemed to be the early foggy morning.

On Thursday we played afternoon twilight golf at Carmel Mountain.  The following day, still sore, we played golf out on Coronado on the Military base.  We all played absolutely rotten on the friday at Coronado.  It was during this round that I got to thinking.

group_sm

However, after waking up at 4:45 AM this day, my thoughts were not really sinking in.  I started to think back to my Rhetoric classes and the lesson that I hang onto the tightest.  We studied about making communication effective sometimes requires one to create an illusion of the first or last time experiencing something.  Anytime you do something new or fresh, the experience takes on a more vivid feeling.  Likewise, if you realize that an experience might be the very last time you will experience it in your life, you appreciate every bite, every laugh just a little bit more.  In all, it comes to appreciating a moment more vividly, and creating a deeper sense of awareness of life.

bench_smThe golf course this day was one of those golf experiences where you ask yourself “how many holes left” over and over because you are playing so badly, you can’t wait for the round to end.  I caught myself doing this repeatedly and it was troubling me.  I wanted to break this thought pattern, and appreciate the moment more.  After all, could this be the last time I possibly play golf with my grandpa?  I practically learned the game from him going to the driving range with him as a 5 year old.  I attribute any and all of my golf playing to him, as my teacher and mentor.  Could this be the final round I ever play with him?  How many years of golf does he have left at his age, and with him living on the other side of the country we only see each other every couple of years.   The day before in Carmel Mountain, I think might have been the first time I ever shot a lower round than him.

cart_smI wanted to focus on this, but I was just too worn down and playing so poorly, that I came away disappointed that I hadn’t had that vivid experience that I was hoping for. 

Regardless of these thoughts, I had a great time this week with my grandpa.  I hope and expect that this was not my last time golfing with him, or being active with him.  I’m continually trying to appreciate life each day.  Viva La Vida.  Life goes by way too quickly.  Another one of my favorite bands has a lyric that rings true for me in my attempts to viva la vida, and to experience things through the perception of it being my first or last time:

Now the days go by so fast…
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

I love you Grandpa.

outback_sm

It’s Not If I Believe In Love, If Love Believes In Me

March 4th, 2009

I added new songs to my home page under “Songs On Repeat.”  I’ve been really digging these songs lately, and continuously hitting back on my ipod or car or itunes (too bad you can’t hit repeat on Pandora).  I hope you enjoy them too.

u2_nolineonthehorizonMoment Of Surrender
No Line On The Horizon
U2
This song is on their new album which I have been listening to practically non-stop for a few weeks.  It is an album that takes a few listens before it grabs you.  Track 3 on the album is this song and I keep finding myself going back to it.  It has a pulsating bass and drum that is reminiscent of another favorite U2 track, So Cruel (Achtung Baby).  There is a passion behind the words that comes out when Bono is singing.  Moment of Surrender is a track that grooves and possesses soul. 

Begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my consciousness
To the rhythm of yes
To be released from control

killers_dayandageHuman
Day & Age
The Killers
Simply put, this song rocks.  I love the buildup of the hi-hat from the 3rd second to the 8th second of the song.  I love the driving beats, and they lyrics are ones that I can not just hear and enjoy, but feel and relate to as well.  I think there have been days when all I have listened to is this song.  If you haven’t seen it on these pages already, you definitely have to check out my snide of their cool light show performance at the MTV European Video Awards. 

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, Wish me well..
You’ve gotta let me go

damienrice_bsidesLonelily
B-Sides
Damien Rice
This song sounds like it should be in a movie.  I could totally hear it as a track that plays while a montage of a relationship plays itself out during a movie about boy meets girl – boy loses girl – boy looks for girl – boy finds girl.  Or it could be found in a tv show on the WB (or wait, its the CW now?).  Its a really pretty song that is a roller coaster of emotions.  It definitely packs a punch.

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so low


Since I didn’t put in a snide for the first set of songs that I had on repeat, I will list them here in case you ever want to check them out.

countingcrows_august
Round Here (Live At Elysee Montmartre – Paris, France – December 9th, 1994)
August And Everything After – Deluxe Edition
Counting Crows

joshuaradin_unclearsky
You Got Growing Up To Do (Demo Version)
Unclear Sky
Joshua Radin

coldplay_vivalavida
Death And All His Friends
Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends
Coldplay

This Week I'm Thinking About: Jonathan Wilt