My Grandpa Joe recently came out from Florida for a visit and I enjoyed my time with him. I had to pull some crazy hours at work to try and fit in all the fun but it was well worth it. We went to the Del Mar Track one day, followed by dinner at Tony Jacals in Solana Beach. I blame my Grandpa (and Grandma, but more gramps) for my enjoyment of the races at Del Mar (and maybe gambling in general). I have vivid memories of walking around on the infield with him, looking at the horses. He would ask me who I would want to bet on in the next race, and then he’d place a bet for me. Living in Solana Beach they would go often. I don’t really know how many times I was able to go with them, but I will always picture myself with him, walking around the infield in what seemed to be the early foggy morning.
On Thursday we played afternoon twilight golf at Carmel Mountain. The following day, still sore, we played golf out on Coronado on the Military base. We all played absolutely rotten on the friday at Coronado. It was during this round that I got to thinking.
However, after waking up at 4:45 AM this day, my thoughts were not really sinking in. I started to think back to my Rhetoric classes and the lesson that I hang onto the tightest. We studied about making communication effective sometimes requires one to create an illusion of the first or last time experiencing something. Anytime you do something new or fresh, the experience takes on a more vivid feeling. Likewise, if you realize that an experience might be the very last time you will experience it in your life, you appreciate every bite, every laugh just a little bit more. In all, it comes to appreciating a moment more vividly, and creating a deeper sense of awareness of life.
The golf course this day was one of those golf experiences where you ask yourself “how many holes left” over and over because you are playing so badly, you can’t wait for the round to end. I caught myself doing this repeatedly and it was troubling me. I wanted to break this thought pattern, and appreciate the moment more. After all, could this be the last time I possibly play golf with my grandpa? I practically learned the game from him going to the driving range with him as a 5 year old. I attribute any and all of my golf playing to him, as my teacher and mentor. Could this be the final round I ever play with him? How many years of golf does he have left at his age, and with him living on the other side of the country we only see each other every couple of years. The day before in Carmel Mountain, I think might have been the first time I ever shot a lower round than him.
I wanted to focus on this, but I was just too worn down and playing so poorly, that I came away disappointed that I hadn’t had that vivid experience that I was hoping for.
Regardless of these thoughts, I had a great time this week with my grandpa. I hope and expect that this was not my last time golfing with him, or being active with him. I’m continually trying to appreciate life each day. Viva La Vida. Life goes by way too quickly. Another one of my favorite bands has a lyric that rings true for me in my attempts to viva la vida, and to experience things through the perception of it being my first or last time:
Now the days go by so fast…
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
I love you Grandpa.
Tags: a long december, carmel mountain ranch country club, coldplay, coronado, counting crows, del mar, florida, gambling, golf, grandma, grandpa, solana beach, tony jacals, viva la vida, westmont
This is really sweet….I forwarded it to Marilyn via Chris and Carol in England. ( I gave them all the site info) She frequently prints things out and brings them over to my dad for him to see. ( I lost Janet’s e-addres in the “crash”)
You and your grandpa both look great in blue. I love the photo of you, your grandpa and your mom at the track. It looks like you’re having a ball. Excellent posture by Nikki in the last photo.
I love being a part of your family! I appreciate your sensitivity and heart towards it and the unique bonds made through the generations.
This is beautiful.
It’s a powerful thing to see how God works through generations.
I deeply respect how you are focusing on the best parts of the lessons you’ve learned and time you’ve spent with your grandpa.
After losing my grandpa this year, this hit me deeply.
Thank you for sharing in such a raw way.
thank you for a beautiful comment. it made me proud. and then made me go read my writing again, which entail made me well up.
my gramps up in oc, twice over the last 2 years has been given “6 months” to live, and everytime i see him, he seems a little worse off than before.
and then of course, this story that you read about my gramps from florida. he is doing great. but the truth of life is, as time passes, people get older. 3 years or 4 ago when my sister got married, he fell down a long flight of stairs. this time, his golf game sucked–someone that plays 3-5 times a week, and i used to always remember shooting in the 70’s and 80’s shot over 100’s this time…
the days certainly go by so fast. gotta hang on to the moments as they pass.
im sorry for your loss of your grandpa.
i miss seeing you occasionally on IM.
looking forward to our next beer. sadly, perhaps, January? maybe november.
i love and respect your awareness and ability to feel deeply.
you should be proud.
these things (mourning, grieving, lamenting) aren’t very familiar in our culture and are often misunderstood or maligned.
it’s a crucial part of life in my opinion.
thanks for your friendship and words about my grandpa.
he was a very stoic, hardworking, steadfast man of God.
i remember going with him to sing to all his friends (most of them younger than him) in the ‘old folks homes’.
he lived a full life to 93 working 3 days a week volunteering for a camp that he grew up going to.
it’s good to carry on legacies.
the race track photo looks like an ad for the del mar racetrack… it’s perfect