Posts Tagged ‘indigo girls’

Feeding The Cancer Of My Intellect

January 25th, 2015

These are the songs, the emotions, the quotes I have been thinking about a lot lately. I call this section my “Songs on Repeat.” You know, the songs that you keep hitting back on to listen to one more time.

U2SongsOfInnocenceEvery Breaking Wave
Songs of Innocence
U2

I can swim in the sea, but that does not mean I need to chase every breaking wave.

I have been thinking a lot lately around topics of insecurity, love, loss, confidence, and success. Heavy topics. This song seems to touch each of those. Am I ready to let go of my fear of both failure and success? Am I ready to stop chasing after the wind, because in the end it is all meaningless pursuits. Can I release myself of all my thoughts that inhibit growth or change, and be open to be swept off my feet?

I think I am often fearful of success, and that defeat is more manageable. This needs to change. I deserve this. I know my shit. Own it. Be bold.

If you go
If you go your way and I go mine
Are we so
Are we so helpless against the tide
Baby, every dog on the street
Knows that we’re in love with defeat
Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing every breaking wave

…And we know that we fear to win
And so we end before we begin

Every Breaking Wave by U2 on Grooveshark

1200CurfewsLove’s Recovery
1200 Curfews
The Indigo Girls

My head often gets in the way, as I feed the cancer of my intellect with thoughts of insecurity, and the questioning if love is worth desiring. Does love endure? The older I have gotten and the more I have dated, I have come across more people that are divorced. I don’t blame them. This isn’t about that. Every person, every situation is unique and sometimes a separation of a marriage might be the best possible thing. But it makes me wonder if ever-after exists? If I will find someone that will love me, and fight for me when things are bleak or dire. I want to believe that sort of persistence still exists.

Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They’ve all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery.

…Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction

Love's Recovery by Indigo Girls on Grooveshark

Somewhere Under WonderlandPossibility Days
Somewhere Under Wonderland
Counting Crows

If you know me, you know that the crows get me. I am haunted by feelings of slipping away and the crows explore that in this track. Every day is a possibility of change, growth, attitude. But ultimately will it be a good day or a bad day? Can I live intentionally?

Annie Dillard, one of my all-time favorite authors says “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives.” As we carry the burdens of all of our days, can I focus instead on just one of those days at a time? Can I focus on the moment, the 24 hours that are given to me, the interactions that are fated, the emotions to feel – sad and happy – and can I mentally seize them. Good days will slip by. Bad days will slip by. And it is ok. What painting did your day create in your timehop of life?

And the worst part of a good day
Is knowing it’s slipping away
That’s one more possibility day
That is gone

Possibility Days by Counting Crows on Grooveshark

Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

March 26th, 2009

I have had great recovery with my knee in the ability to walk around the office, the house with minimal pain.  I have basically been walking on it since the day of the surgery

After doing non-impact rehab, I have been on a program to get me back on the courts of tennis and basketball, and back on the fields of soccer.  The program has supposed to occur and a couple week intervals.  Beginning with light jogging (50 yards at a time),  I was supposed to build up to a longer distance with less walking.  This was to last a couple weeks.  Then I was to progress to sprinting.  A few weeks later I was supposed to progress to doing cutting and figure eight type drills. 

Have you noticed all the use of the phrase “supposed to?”

I think its been a couple months now that I have been doing the light jogging.  I have seen very little improvement.  I have not progressed to more then a few light 50 yard jogs.  This week I have experienced some more swelling behind my knee, and even experienced some sharp pain in my knee during a roaring ping pong game today.  This has been frustrating.  I have had a lot less motivation to go to the gym to rehab, and it has been aggravating that a couple week process has been taking months, with no line on the horizon.

I have continually been icing though, so hopefully that will help the swelling.  And I need to stay focused on my rehab exercises, and keep pushing through the demotivating aspects.  The doubt side of me wonders if they missed some loose cartilage that might be floating through my knee.  I just gotta press on.  “It isn’t nice, but it’s reality.”

This Week I'm Thinking About: Greg Crisci